Tonkin's First Computer Dictionary

A Chronology...The Jargon FileComputer Dictionary
Advanced:
(adj.) doesn't work yet, but it's pretty close.
See: bug, glitch.
Analyst:
(n.) one who writes programs and doesn't trust them. A cynic.
Assembler:
(n.) a minor program of interest only to obsessed programmers.
BASIC:
(n.) a computer one-word oxymoron.
Benchmark:
(n.) a test written ostensibly to compare hardware or software, but actually used by manufacturers to misinterpret or quote out of context in advertisements.
Binary:
(n.) a two-valued logic especially susceptible to glitches and bugs. It originated as a way of counting on the thumbs, since programming managers usually find fingers far too confusing.
See: Hexadecimal, Octal.
Bug:
(n.) any program feature not yet described to the marketing department.
Bus:
(n.) a connector you put money into, something like a slot machine.
Byte:
(n.) eight bits, or one dollar (in 1950 terms). Presently worth about two-tenths of a cent and falling fast.
C:
(n.) the language following A and B. The world still awaits D and E. By Z, it may be acceptable for general use.
Chip:
(n.) a stylized picture of a logic diagram on refined and alloyed sand.
See: glitch, bug.
COBOL:
(n.) an old computer language, designed to be read and not run. Unfortunately, it is often run anyway.
Code:
(n.) a means of concealing bugs favored by programmers.
(v.) the process of concealing bugs by programming.
Cookie:
(n.) any recondite message displayed by a time-shared system. the message is not often seen, because it only appears when the system is operating properly. Common cookies include the timeless "Murphy was an optimist" and "When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout."
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