- Advanced:
- (adj.) doesn't work yet, but it's pretty close.
See: bug, glitch.
- Analyst:
(n.) one who writes programs and doesn't trust them. A cynic.
- Assembler:
- (n.) a minor program of interest only to obsessed programmers.
- BASIC:
- (n.) a computer one-word oxymoron.
- Benchmark:
- (n.) a test written ostensibly to compare hardware or software,
but actually used by manufacturers to misinterpret or quote out of
context in advertisements.
- Binary:
- (n.) a two-valued logic especially susceptible to glitches and
bugs. It originated as a way of counting on the thumbs, since programming
managers usually find fingers far too confusing.
See: Hexadecimal, Octal.
- Bug:
- (n.) any program feature not yet described to the marketing department.
- Bus:
- (n.) a connector you put money into, something like a slot machine.
- Byte:
- (n.) eight bits, or one dollar (in 1950 terms). Presently worth about
two-tenths of a cent and falling fast.
- C:
- (n.) the language following A and B. The world still awaits D and E. By
Z, it may be acceptable for general use.
- Chip:
- (n.) a stylized picture of a logic diagram on refined and alloyed
sand.
See: glitch, bug.
- COBOL:
- (n.) an old computer language, designed to be read and not run.
Unfortunately, it is often run anyway.
- Code:
- (n.) a means of concealing bugs favored by programmers.
(v.) the
process of concealing bugs by programming.
- Cookie:
- (n.) any recondite message displayed by a time-shared system. the
message is not often seen, because it only appears when the system is
operating properly. Common cookies include the timeless "Murphy was an
optimist" and "When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and
shout."
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