Tonkin's First Computer Dictionary

A Chronology...The Jargon FileComputer Dictionary
Pirate:
(v., n.) to steal software, or one who is such a thief. True pirates see nothing wrong with thievery, having successfully forgotten or repressed all moral values.
Pop:
(v.) to remove from an area of memory naively thought to be the stack in a futile attempt to keep a program running.
Portable:
(adj.) that which can be physically moved more than a hundred yards by an unaided olympic athlete without permanent damage to that individual more than 50% of the time.
Printer:
(n.) a small box attached to a computer and used to start fires in cold weather.
Procedure:
(n.) a method of performing a program sub-task in an inefficient way by extensively using the stack instead of a GOTO.
See: Pascal and C.
Processor:
(n.) a device for converting sense to nonsense at the speed of electricity, or (rarely) the reverse.
Program:
(n.) that which manipulates symbols rapidly with unforseen results.
Also: a bug's way of perpetuating bugs.
Programmer:
(n.) 1. one who writes programs and trusts them. An optimist.
2. Any employee who needs neither food nor sleep but exists on large quantities of caffeine, nicotine, sucrose, and machine-vended preservatives thinly disguised as foodstuffs.
Programming Language:
(n.) a shorthand way of describing a series of bugs to a computer or a programmer.
Prompt:
(n.) a computer request for a random operator error. Also a game where the computer plays the part of Vanna White and the operator, a contestant. There are no prizes for winning.
Push:
(v.) to put into an area of memory believed to be the stack for the ostensible purpose of later retrieval.
Tonkin's rule: In any program there are always more 'pushes' than 'pops.'
See: Recursion.
Quantum leap:
(adj.) literally, to move by the smallest amount theoretically possible. In advertising, to move by the largest leap imaginable (in the mind of the advertiser). There is no contradiction.
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