Tonkin's First Computer Dictionary

A Chronology...		The Jargon File		Computer Dictionary
Transportable: (adj.) said of software - that which can be put on a new machine in less time than it took to write in the first place. Said of hardware - that which can theoretically be moved more than ten feet in one minute by some combination of machinery or explosives. The meanings are equivalent. Truly relational: (adj.) relational, but where the paternity is indubitable. TSR: (n.) acronym for Terminate and Stay Resident. A way of turning a useless computer with plenty of memory into a computer with no memory at all. Turbo-: (prefix) computer software which uses air under pressure (supplied by a special fan) to achieve high performance. User-friendly: (adj.) trivialized, slow, incapable, and boring. See: Icon, Mouse. UNIX: (n., v.) a DOS which needs more memory than you have and run more slowly than you can bear. To UNIX: to grossly enlarge and slow down out of all proportion, esp. by using C. User: (n.) one who knows from experience that programs cannot be trusted. A realist. Vendor: (n.) a manufacturer's lackey. Virtual: (adj.) emulated. See: Emulate. Warranty: (n.) a list of vendor's promises with carefully-worded exceptions which cancel each of the promises in turn. See: License. Windowing: (n., adj.) a way of making a large and easily-read display into many small, cluttered, and confusing ones. Word Processor: (n.) A program which makes a $5,000 computer into a $250 typewriter. A computer game for beginning operators. WORM: (n.) acronym for Write Once, Read Mangled. Used to describe a normally-functioning computer disk of the very latest design. XYZZY: (n.) a common user prompt. Yarrow: (n.) kind of stalks used by computer diagnosticians when performing the ritual of the I Ching. See: Diagnostics. Zaxxon: (n.) a sophisticated simulation and design program used by the brightest programmers to test the consistency of internal logic and memory. Management prefers to use games such as 'spreadsheet' for the same purpose.